We drive a conversion van for a reason!

On most days the task of getting the five children to various activities. My husband and I split duties accordingly. If the "bigs" have something to do one of us is with them, while the other has the "littles." Then there are days where one of us will have two "littles" and "big" with us. There are many different combinations with having five children.  The children pick what activities they want to be involved with. Here is the breakdown: 

M is a swimmer and French Horn player. She is like a fish in the water. We have been working on her self-esteem since she came to our family. She is wonderful and talented at everything she does, just needs that little boost, like many people. She has note next to her bed that reads,"Today you don't need to have any confidence, because I have enough confidence for the both of us.-Coach." She chose to keep this note to remind herself of how much confidence others have in her abilities. She mentors at Skill Support, which pairs a regular education student with a Special Education student to help build relationships among the students. She already has experience dealing with Z who is on the autism spectrum so this is right up her ally. M also plays the French Horn. So as you can see she is one busy young lady. Having so many things to do, I think helps with her confidence. She see that she is good at something and that others value her talents, allows her to see value in herself as well.

H is a lover of FOOTBALL. He started out in a little league and has progressed into a little football beast. He loves the game, playing and watching it. He gets that from his father. Right now that is the only sport he is involved and that is probably a good thing, because he loves it more than anything else. He is dedicated to the sport and we love his enthusiasm. Yes, I am that mom that is screaming on the sidelines for my child to tackle other people's children. I am that mom, that wears the embarrassing shirts to games. I am working my way up to being that mom that brings wine to the games, but since the games are on school grounds, I am trying to follow the rules and not get arrested for bringing wine to a football game. (YET!) When he gets that big football contract, momma is the first one he will take care of!

C plays soccer and loves every minute of it. She is fast, she gets that from me. I used to run track, so just go with it. My children are athletically inclined and that does come from both myself and her father and we like that. It gives us something to do with them other than homework. C also plays an instrument. She tried several out during an activity night at the school and settled on the Flute. This please my youngest sister to no end, she has played the flute for over 15 years. I just sent her a video at C's request of her playing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Needless to say my sister was very pleased with her performance, since she posted it on Facebook.

When the "bigs" choose something to do for the school year, like football, playing an instrument, they have to commit to it. They are not allowed to quit, they must finish out the season or the year with that activity.  H didn't like playing an instrument, but he had to finish out the year playing. They know this rule going into it and they follow through. It is important for us to instill in our children that once they make a commitment, they stick to it. If we allow them to just quit, we are doing a disservice to them and they are letting down the others involved in that activity as well. We want our children to thrive in the activities they do. We do not over schedule our children, we know what they can handle and so do they. School comes first and if an activity interferes with that, we sit down and discuss what needs to happen. They are great about following through and we couldn't be more proud of them.

The "littles" are not involved in anything at the moment, but it will only be a matter of years before we will need a massive calendar on the wall in the kitchen to direct us to the various activities they are all in. We will be tired parents but happy parents.  With getting all five children to various places, yes, we drive a conversion van for a reason.

Have a wonderful start to your week! #CarrChronicles

My Children Are My HEROS!

I have been blessed with children that somehow always seem to amaze me. They give me hope for the future of this country, no wait the WORLD. Here are just a few stories about how my children became my HEROS. Recap- H is 12, M is 12 and C is 10, and there are the littles- Z is 5 and K is 4.

1. This year H and M started Jr. High- when did they get so big? Anyhoo, they learned that one of their teachers was diagnosis with cancer only two days after getting married. They decided to bake cookies and sell them to raise money for her. They were able to raise over $200 for her. Where do children this age come up with an idea like this?

2. This one is a good one...C did some fundrasing undercover with the help of dad. God love her, she was able to get dad to make 15 sweet potato pies and 10 cherry pies. He wasn't in on reason for baking that many. She sold them to raise money for St. Jude. How could you be mad at that? Now, I am sure dad wasn't happy that he didn't get to eat any of the pies, but in the end it was all worth it.

3. My mother, or as she likes to call herself- Ole' G, she likes to take the bigs on trips when she can. Over the summer M and C got to travel with her and G-pa to South Carolina to meet their aunties. While they were there, sitting in the living room, they were talking about what they can do to help the homeless. They made a list and sent me this text :"Mom, it's C and M. We were brainstorming and made a list of things we can do to raise money for the homeless and other good causes. We wanted to know if we could do some of these things?" They sent me a picutre of the list and this is what it said: Dog wash, lemonade stand, popscile stand, walk, bike, pet sitting- take money to: hospitals, vets, homeless, churches, get animals in better homes.

4. H is our oldest and has always had the biggest heart. When he was younger he once gave his coat to a kid at his school becuase he didn't have one. When we got the littles, H noticed that Z would hide and hoard his food, becuease he came from a place that he wasn't always feed properly. H would give him whatever he wanted. Saying "He shouldn't have to cry becuase he is hunrgy, since he has already had a hard life. To this day, Z will do whatever H says. They are best buds.

5. Our children are so loving and willing to give to others. We have taught them that when they get soemthing new, something has to be given away for donation. K is always saying "here mommy, you can give this to a kid that doesn't have any toys." Again, she is 4!

From the first day that Z, K and M entered our house H and C have never thought of them as anything less then THEIR brother or sister. (Growing up in my family, we were the same way. We never thought of eachother and STEP or HALF sisters- were are and will always be SISTERS.)  They have never once teated them differently. The only thing that H had a problem with was there are three girls and two boys..he wanted it to be even. He even asked if there were any needy boys that needed homes, just on the off chance that he would get another brother to even things out.

H and M go to the same school and H is social butterfly. M is somewhat shy and quiet. H has paved the way for her to be a little more social. She is involved with activites in school. No one ever said anything mean to her because she is H's sister! Yes, she stands on her own, but with a big brother like H, she is supported big time.

How did I luck out with these children? Some people say that children learn from example. I guess my husband and I have done good things, and the children have seen this. It's kind of like if you use your cell phone while driving your children are more likely to do that when they start driving. They not only have seen the selfless acts of kindness that we, are family and friends do on a regular basis, that they have taken it to heart. I think they also have great big hearts and a willingness to help make the world a better place- even if it is something.

My children make me smile everyday, and I have know that all of them will do great things in life and always give back to thier community. I will be proud of them if they just volunteer at thier local food bank or win a Noble Prize...they are the future and they have what it takes to make it better for everyone. These are just a few reasons that my children are MY HEROS!!

"Are they YOURS?"

In our society race is something that needs to be discussed. It makes people uncomfortable to talk about it...it is something that will never go away. People that say they don't see color and treat everyone the same, in my mind are lying. Everyone SEES COLOR, it is the one thing that you notice instantly by looking at someone. You can not tell, what religion, they are or their political stance just by looking at someone. (Ok, the religion thing you can sometimes, if the person is wearing a religious garment.) This might be a touchy subject to discuss, but guess what we are going to talk about...get ready.

When a white family adopts children that are not white, people automatically know that those children are adopted. They do not question the family, it is a norm in our society in some ways. The white family taking in children of other races, is seen as heartwarming. (Now, don't get your panties in a bunch...I know that some white parents of non-white children do get asked questions that are rude, etc. but, again, it is not that big of an anomaly as my family.) I am a black women with two biological children, and three adopted white children. Just like my mother had to endure looks from people when she would take me, and my light-skinned baby sisters out together, people are rude and heartless. People would assume that my mother is the nanny to the two little, what seemed to be, white girls and she just happened to be taking along her own child.

I had several instances where people have questioned whether or not I AM the parent of my three white children.

1. K is two months old, I am in the store and a lady walks up to me and says, "Oh, when will she get her color? I know some black children start out lighter when they are born." To that I said, "She is white and the only color she is going to get is red, if she stays out in the sun."

2. I have been asked if I am the "nanny" while watching my children play at the park.

3. K was in the pool, and I was sitting close by watching her play. Someone comes up to her and asks, "where is your mom?" K points at me, and I wanted to breath fire on this person for talking to my child like I would just leave a small child unattended in a pool.

4. I have been in stores and people have stopped me on my way out asking K or Z where is your mommy, as if I was stealing someone's children. I don't need to steal anyone's children, the state is more than happy to give me more children if I wanted them!

These are just a few examples of what it is like for us as parents of white children. It is not the norm, but what is normal. My family consists of a Japanese American sister, biracial twin sisters, a white father and my mother that is black. I also have two older nephews that are half black and Japanese...we are a mix of races. That is what makes us who we are as a family. Yes, people questioned my family growing up, but in 2015, I never would have thought that people would still be questioning loving parents who are just trying to raise their children, regardless of race.

My parent's marriage wouldn't have been legal before the Supreme Court case of Loving v Virginia...I would have missed out on growing up in a house that was filled with diversity. We have come a long way since in this country, but we still have much more work to do. There is discussion about how millennials are growing up in a "colorblind" world. I don't think this is something that is truly happening, they are being raised by people that SEE color, so how can they not SEE color as well. I hope that I am raising children that understand that it doesn't matter what color your skin is, what religion you are, or sexual orientation you are, none of that is important, as long as you are GOOD HUMAN BEING. We are all on this planet together, we better get used to sharing it after all this time. We all bleed the same color, breathe the same air, and we seem to be able to do that with out any problems. I guess my main thought is, what is not normal about my family? My husband and I love these five children to the moon and back. Why can't that be enough for people to see, that we are giving these five lives a chance to be something great in this world. We are parents, simple as that. If people ask rude questions, or assume one thing about my family, they are missing out on hearing about how we became the family we are today. Sharing our story, hopefully will allow others to ask more appropriate questions, like, " How do I go about fostering/adopting a CHILD that needs a loving home?"

Be Kind!
#carr_chronicles

Police...

My husband and I had been watching the news and discussing the things that have been going on lately. There is so much in the media today about violence towards black by the police that is makes sense for us to talk about it with our children. My youngest little- K, is like a sponge she listens to everything and takes it all in. I tell people that I thought I was going to need bail money when C got older, but it is turning out that I will be using K's birthday money in the future to get her out of jail more than likely. I digress...in the mornings, there is a police officer that sits outside our house, because the school is right behind our house. I was walking with K and asked the officer if he could please look out for the bus, because people have been trying to pass the bus. The officer was super polite and said sure thing. As we are walking away from the car, K yells, "Mommy, why are you talking to the police, we don't LIKE the POLICE!" I walked faster to the door.

This is my world. She overhears something and says it. Now, we did not talk about how we do not like the police, but that is what she took from the conversation. I think what it boils down to is that she heard us talking about the violence against people by the police that in her little mind, the police are bad. (A discussion on how the police help people is in the works for a later date.)

Be Kind.
#carr_chronicles

Meet Our Family

Here is some context before I explain my family. I grew up with my mother, father and three sisters. We were an Air Force family so we moved a bit. My mother is black, my father is white, my older sister is Japanese American from my father's first marriage and my baby sisters (twins) are biracial. That gives you an understanding of what my life was like before I was married and had children. I was used to people wondering how did that "family" happen. I grew up with people questioning my family.

My husband and I have been together since 1995 and got married in 2003. We started our "little" family 12 years ago when our first son was born in March of 2003. Our daughter was born in 2005. This is where the story starts...little did we know that our "little" family would be ever changing down the road.

I come from a family that mirrored the Cosby Family, in the sense that my father was constantly making up songs in the morning. We dance and sang while cleaning up the kitchen and my mother would be the first to say, "that is your child," if something went wrong. I even think once or twice my parents even said, "I brought you in this world, I will take you out. " I am a fun loving, loud singing woman and that is how I live my life. My children are my joy, and my husband supports me in everything I do. (Well, let me rephrase that, he really just realized it's easier to just go along with me.)
I still do that with my children to this day. As they get older, I might embarrass them now, when I sing in the store, but oh well, it's my job.

Ok, so let me get back to my "little" family...I have two children by 2005 and we were happy and couldn't ask for anything more. The children were growing up and enjoying life and then in 2012, our family began to grow. I work with children in the system, and their families. I go on visitations, handle foster parents, you name it, I do it as a social worker. In June of 2012, my family had the opportunity to foster a great little boy. He was 13 months old and came to us and it was love at first sight. This little one, came with his challenges. He is on the autistic spectrum, he had not had any early intervention, prior to coming to us. Once he was with us and was receiving the help he needed we started to see him thrive.

So, the family grew by one that year. Months pass, and I get a phone call saying the same mother was pregnant and was due in August. They wanted to know if we would be willing to take the baby once she was born.  It only made since to keep the siblings together, right? (The mother, is a winner, in the sense that she might not have been a good mother, but she game birth to beautiful children!) August came and we had an hours notice that K was coming to be with our family. I am a planner, and I started to freak out. Thank god for friends and family, we were able to gather enough items for this new little one in our life.  So, if you have lost count, the number of children is at 4 and the number of adults in the house is 2.

Is this all making sense? Ok, good, thanks for keeping up. If you have read this far, thanks!!

In between having two older children and two new little ones in the house, I decided to be a surrogate for a family up north. (Yes, my husband is a saint and puts up with a lot.) The year is 2012, so think of the hectic world I already have at the moment, but why not help out a family. The first implantation did not take, so for me it was as if I was letting this couple down. I wanted it to work as much as they did. We took the children on the second trip and they were my good luck charms- the second implantation took! The parents were a biracial couple- white father and Asian mother.  Now, picture the scene in the delivery room in December of that year: A overly pregnant black woman with her husband, her four children, two black and two white. (oh, yeah...I didn't mention that Z and K are blue eyed, blonde haired little cuties.) I can only imagine what the hospital staff was thinking: I gave birth to a White/Asian baby. I was able to give a couple something I already had and that was a family.

Moving forward to 2013, I get another call. Man every time the phone rings, I think my husband twitched! The oldest sibling of Z and K was with a foster family in the area and had been for visits with us before. (My impression of the foster parents: that needed a "break" from her...but then again, why take a child into your home if you were not ready for them and need breaks. There are no breaks when you accept a child into your home!)  Phone rings and guess what they wanted to know if we were willing to take on M since we already had her little brother and baby sister. What could I say? YES!!!  The child to adult ratio is now 5/2, and a dog.

Over the past two years, Z, K and M were officially adopted into the Carr family. I wouldn't have it any other way. All of my children offer me joy and I love them with every fiber of my being. I am a momma bear that will go to war over my children and anyone who knows me knows I am a fighter. (I get that from my mother.)  I never imagined that I would have five children. Everyday is an adventure and they keep me on my toes.

So that is the story of how my "little" family started and eventually grew to what it is today. I have been supported by my husband, friends and family all the way through this wild ride. My heart has grown bigger as my family grew. I hope you come back for the stories I will share about my family. Trust me, I can't make any of it up. It's true life and it's the Carr Chronicles!

Be Kind!
#carr_chronicles