K's world view

Hello! Sorry, that I have been absent for so long. I was busy with school and subbing. I finished my Specialist in December and started my Doctorate in January; so needless to say I have been a bit busy. I will try to do better about posting. :)

Now for the story:
It's summer and the fun has begun. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a horrible fear of water. All of my  sisters and I were done a terrible disservice as children and never taught how to swim. (Thank you momma!) I don't do pools, lazy rivers, splash anything, nope; that's why they have a father and friends whose parents that know how to swim. With all of that being said, I made it a point as a parent to not let my past impact my children. I have made sure that all of the children learned how to swim. H, C took lessons. M came to us swimming like a fish, so she was easy! Now all I have left are Z and K. (Lord, give me strength.)

Z and K have been going to lessons since school has been out, so for about four weeks now. They are doing so well. I am so proud of them. They, have little fear when it comes to the water, so this experience is relativity easy. I did have to pass on the "Show Parents What We Are Doing" day at the pool. I just got my hair done and I was not about to wear a shower cap to the pool. No, wait I would have; but daddy saved the day and took the littles for me. (I think he sensed my anxiety about being in the water.)

Alrighty, so the real purpose of the story. The other day K and I are talking about something, I can't remember exactly. K wanted to know why she wasn't allowed to have any of my *yuck juice* (wine). I simple told her that it was illegal for littles to drink the *yuck juice*. The conversation that follows is unedited and taken verbatim:

K: I hate that everything's illegal. 
Me: Like what things? K: Like walking around and taking stuff you want and when people walk when there's no sign you should be able to go. It would be their fault if they got hit. Me: So you want to steal and run people over?? K: Umm kinda. And there should be no jails. They don't make any sense. Me: Umm....so where would all the bad guys go??? K: Straight to hell. 
Me: *Speechless. 

She is FIVE. We attend church, the littles love going to Sunday school. At this age pretty much everything is literal in their world. When you explain something to a child you have to be a little crafty with your words. When I explain things to the littles Z is very literal, so I often find myself over explaining things to him. He will tell me to stop halfway through my explanation and say, "Ok, mom, I got it. You make things way too complicated sometimes." Ok! With K, she seems to take what I say and turn things upside down and spit them back out to fit K's world view. K's world view is NOT like anything I have every come in contact with. This little lives in a world that operates on her terms, which means if K doesn't like it then it has to go. I think most children view the world according to themselves. They have all the bits and pieces that we give them, church, family, school, friends and much more to put into their world and they manipulate it into a world that works best for them. I know that K is making the world around her work for her and if jails don't make sense to her, then alight. It will be rather telling if she ends up being a police office or attorney, who gets to send 'bad guys' to jail. I guess at that point her world view would have changed a bit by then.

Be kind and love each other!

The election and my children's future

(It's been awhile! Sorry, as the writer, I am finishing up my Practicum of for my Specialist Degree, so it has been keeping me busy. Trying to get back to blogging for the Carr Chronicles at least once a week!!)

With the upcoming election, I started thinking about what it will mean for my children's future. (Ok, this is the ghostwriter here, I have an idea of how my sister and BIL will be voting so, this is written from that perspective.) Just remind you, there are FIVE Carr kiddos roaming around. C, M, C, Z and K.

Alright so, let's start with the biological two: C- 13(eldest boy) and C-11(middle girl). They are from my flesh, so guess what that makes them? Yes, Black, African American, how ever you say it. You see the color of their skin before you even know their name. People have already made judgements about my two biologically born children before they even open their mouth to speak. With that being said, what will their life be like under the Presidency of a certain person whose name we choose not to say... Yes, it's like Harry Potter, people. You just don't speak the name. Will the venom this man spits out of his mouth touch the skin of my children and burn them to the point that their opportunities will be stifled in some way?

Now, to my three lovies that came into our family...M-13 (eldest girl), Z-6 (youngest boy) and K-5 (youngest girl.) They are in the system. It sounds bad, but they are in the system of they get services and benefits from the state and the federal government because they were adopted. Will these services be stopped? Will this particular person put an end to funding? I mean, did you see the really nice impression he did of the reporter with the disability? Yeah, he has a TON of compassion for people that need services and that have special needs.

Basically, what it boils down to: Will my children's lives be valued under a President like this? Will I be valued in a Presidency like this? Ask yourself this question? If you say "yes!", you really need to think about why and how you feel this way.  Also, you might want to check your privilege at the front door. And if I hear, "the lesser of two evils.." Damn people, that is not the way to pick a President! You have two other options...write in or third party. Educate yourself- especially before next Tuesday! Think about your children, think about your friends and family as well.

Till next time!!

Athletically Challenged...

Sorry for the long break in between posts. Summer was a whirlwind, getting the littles started at school, (my baby started Pre-K-pray for her teachers, ) getting C started in middle school and getting the bigs off to JUNIOR HIGH??? When did they grow up? They will be in high school next fall, WHAT?? (The ghostwriter was busy putting together a proposal for her last semester for her specialist degree...that took up a bit of time.)

Alrighty, where do I begin? Yes, here we go...the bigs: H played baseball at the start of summer, he liked it. He also met, my youngest sister's husband for the first time. He played and coached baseball, and he gave him a few pointers on which bat to use after his first game...the next game he was hitting them further, thanks to some advice from the uncle. (Thank you, uncle R. for that advice, he enjoyed the game more.) He is back at football, which of course is his first love. He has been playing since he was in at least five. You know, the games where they don't keep score...yeah right. The parents know what the score is, I definitely know what the score is and I am that mother that is screaming the loudest. (I know NOTHING about football.) I am however like Clair Huxtable from the Cosby show; "Don't you hit my BABY!", "That's my Baby, he just made a TOUCHDOWN!", and then later that evening I am sitting on the couch with my husband explaining the game to other people, based on the little knowledge I have in my brain after the husband explains it to me.

M, has gone back and forth with sports. She loves swimming, and is like a fish. But her choice to not be on the team anymore was her decision. But we do make it a point to tell our kiddos, if you start the season out on the team, you WILL finish it. (Especially, since mommy and daddy just gave up another kidney to pay for sport fees.) She would love to do dance, but thank goodness she settled on cross country instead. I once had the dream of being on the dance team in high school, well you will understand why that dream never came true if you continue to read on. M, is fast...just last weekend, she ran 2 miles in 16.8! I was on the track team in HS and I did short distance for a reason...it was OVER QUICKLY.  Those long legs are working to her advantage, along with her father making the bigs go on the path with him regularly for extra conditioning. (In reality, this is the hubby's way of walking the dog and getting the bigs out of the house, without having to spend any money or put anyone in a car...he stay sane and his bank account stays happy.)  M, is on the team and seems to be enjoying it. It is also reassuring for momma that she is around positive peers and she is making good choices. We have been working on this for awhile, we might have found something that works to keep her on track. (Horrible pun!)

Now, Ms. C....she is my little soccer star. This child is tall, and a little speedy one. This child can and will run and keep running until you tell her to just stop. She loves soccer. She has been playing for going on two years now, and she shines bright. This is a league team, so there is a LOT of traveling, but with five kids that is to be expected. We break the kiddos up and go to our designated game. Sometimes, family will attend a game we can't due to timing issues. We have to drop one big off and take the other to their game and we stay at that game, and so on. Good thing I have sisters, and the hubby has siblings, so there is always someone yelling in my place for my kiddos. They of course have to channel my spirit to do so, and I openly accept any one wanting to do so, since I find myself to be rather fun. C, is at that age where is still my little girl, but not really my little girl. She is quiet and keeps to herself. When she is on the field she opens up completely. She is a vision to watch. Zigging and zagging to score goals, its mesmerizing to watch. C told my youngest sister, that she wants to play soccer in college and then live on a horse ranch and be a photographer...I know the soccer part will happen, not sure if the horse ranch will, but who knows with my kids. They surprise me every single day.

If you have read this far, you might be wondering, the title of the post doesn't fit. These kiddos seem to have it together in the sports department. Let me give you some perspective, they DID NOT GET THIS FROM MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY IN ANY WAY!!!
1. Me and hurdles- HS tack meet: I was a sprinter. That means, I ran for really SHORT distances, super fast. I am short. Everything on me is short, arms, legs...Coach says one day, "you are doing hurdles today." WHAT??? Alright, I will take one for the team. Race starts, I get over the first hurdle, not problem. I am feeling really good about that. If you have ever seen the distance between hurdles, it's not that much. Having said that, the second hurdle comes up quickly and I take that one down. Third one comes up, I take that one down...are you starting to see a pattern?
2. Fast forward to this summer, the week before the bigs head back to school. I thought it would be a good idea to challenge C to a race in the backyard. I was a HS sprinter, she is a 10 year old soccer player, I got this. I had to show the kids that momma was a runner and still is. First mistake right there. Second mistake, doing it in flip flops! Why? I don't know what I was thinking, all I know is I hit the ground hard and my ankle hurt for a good week or so.
3. My twin sisters, there were in marching band in HS. Enough said. I don't need to go any further into detail with this one.
4. G-ma...over the summer we had a cookout. G-ma, myself and the youngest sister went to the store to get some new potatoes. G-ma really wanted them for dinner. We return, two men standing around a grill, kiddos in the house, all is well in the world. G-ma is telling H how to season the potatoes and she is on her way to the grill. H is behind her. G-ma likes to look nice when she goes out, so even though she just went to the grocery store, she was dressed up. She had on a long summer dress. Here in lies the problem-the dress. As she ascends the back steps towards the yard, she steps on the back of her dress and slides down four concrete steps. My husband and my BIL and H hear screaming and "OHHHHH LOOOORRRRDDDD!" BIL comes running in and says, "Your mom just fell." Husband is picking my mother up off the concrete as she is cursing in Turkish. She is hold onto my husband like the jaws of life, continuing to say, "OHHHH LOOORRRDDD!" (H till this day makes fun of his beloved G-ma with this.) Here is the best part. Just like a college student learns after the first time they go to a party, you never let your beer hit the ground, my mother too held this motto close to her heart. She kept the potatoes up in the air the whole time she was sliding down the stairs and as she ate concrete.

As you can tell from the examples above, my side of the family did not get the athletic gene. I am ok with that, I wasn't meant to be an athlete for my entire life. I was meant to raise children that appreciate sports and the hard work that goes into playing them. I was meant to raise children that understand that they must practice their sport like anyone else if they want to be successful at it. Do I hope that one day one of my children will be a professional athlete? Sure, why not?! Then, I can retire early and just travel around and watch them play and scream for them at a stadium. Yes, I will also have my "I'm the Mom of...." shirt on too. I could never not wear one, come on.

Enjoy your family this weekend.

A Mother's Fear

(The ghostwriter-that's me- the auntie of all five of the Carr's basketball team;felt that it was important to address this situation. I might be projecting some of my own opinions in this post as a teacher and an aunt. I do however feel that my sister- the mom of the five shares most if not all my opinions.)

A Mother's Fear

Past and recent events make me wonder. They make me wonder what life will be like when all my children are grown up. I am a black mother raising a young black man, a young black woman, two young white women and one white male. (I use future tense while writing this.)

A mother's fear for her young black son: when will he be stopped by the police walking home from a friends house just as night falls, because he fits the description of someone in the area? When will he face direct discrimination when he leaves the confines of his safe and inviting home and surrounding community? When will he have to put his hands up and say, " I am not resisting officer, I am following your instructions." When will he have to fight harder than his white counterparts to get into the upper level classes, and have his college application scrutinized more because he is a minority? When will he have a family of his own and worry about the same things I worry about as his mother?

A mother's fear for her young black daughter: When will she be called "ghetto", "chicken-head" or some other derogatory comment? When will she be asked if she aspires to be a "video girl?" When will she not longer have the desire to be the "smart girl" because it is not favored by society, that a black girl can be smart. When will someone look my child in her face and say, "You can't play soccer professionally, you are black and black girls don't play soccer." When will I have to tell her that she will have to be stronger than myself, her grandmother, her great-grandmother and her great-great grandmother combined so that she she can walk proudly as a woman, not just a black woman? When will she potentiality be told she is worth nothing because her skin is darker than others? When will she have a family of her own and worry about the same things I worry about as her mother?

A mother's fear for her two young white daughters: When will they be told that they are N*****-lovers because they are apart of our family? When will they be told that they need to stop "acting black" because they are white? When will they be told that white girls don't get their hair braided in cornrows, only black girls do? When will they be told that are nothing but "white trash" because of the mother G-d gave them at the start of their lives? When will they be told by a young white male that he can't date them because their parents and two siblings are black? When will they have families of their own and worry about the same things I worry about as their mother?

A mother's fear for her young white son: He might be special needs, but the only thing special about him is how big and loving his heart is. When will he be told that he can't do something because of the, what I like to call his "different-ability"? When will he be told he can't hang out with his older brother when he is older because people don't believe they are related? When will others start to tell him that he doesn't "match" the rest of his family? When will he be told that he shouldn't date a non-white girl because other girls will only be after him for his money and use him? When will he get to college and be told that he can't be in a club because he isn't the "right fit" for that group? When will he have a family of his own and worry about the same things I worry about as his mother?

The world is constantly changing and in this country and others, it is apparent that race IS an issue. Do not tell me that it isn't. I do not need people to tell me that people are being more open about the discussion of race, because they are not. Do not get offended and call me another "angry black woman," because I speak my mind about the fact that my children were born with a disadvantage. Do not tell me that race doesn't matter, that when you see my family, you don't stare and turn your head. Do not tell me that we can have this dialogue without anyone heated debate. I'm sorry, do you go to bed and do you wake up with the same dark/brown skin, or put on the same hijab or other religious  head covering on every morning? If you don't, then guess what? I am going to be heated in my discussion with you about race and let's throw religion in there too. I and many others like me walk around with a visible mark on us, whether it be our skin color, or our religious coverings/dress. We have a right to be "heated" when we talk about race, it is something we live with everyday. We are called names, we are belittled in the news as nothing more than "aggressive," "terrorists," "ghetto," etc. It is not something that we can just not deal with, it is who we are. We are the color we are, we are the religion we are and we adhere to our faith accordingly, so white America needs to stop telling us to calm down. We don't need to calm down, we need you to get just as angry about what is going on in this country and elsewhere in order for things to truly change.

And with that I leave you with one thought; Do you fear for your children's lives when they leave the house? (This is this mother's fear.)

Tools on hand...

The last post I talked about how K, one of the littles had two hammers under her pillow while sleeping in her brother's room. Now this is not shocking to me, as she has always wanted to have some type of "tool" with her at any given time. Gangsta Granny might have perpetuated this need just a little bit, but that's just how she rolls. Well, K suffers from severe anxiety and we are in the process of trying to find therapy for her to help deal with this. She will meltdown at the drop of a dime. She has a distinct fear of being left behind, even though she is included in everything we do as a family.

With all of that being said, I too suffer from severe panic/anxiety myself. This may just be a manifestation from raising her, but it is getting to the point that we need to step in and get her help. I have been working on my anxiety for awhile now and do take medicine to help relieve the anxiousness I feel on a regular basis. Most people think I am happy go lightly, but what they do not know is that I am anxious for a majority of the day. I am coping and I hope that K will be able to cope with this as well, once we find the therapy we are looking for.  As parents, we do not want to see our child go through this. It is heartbreaking. We do all we can to make sure she feels secure and safe at all times. But one drawback to her anxiety is the need to ALWAYS have a "tool with her. It's kind of like Linus from Peanuts- he had his blanket; K has her "tools."

I took all the kiddos to the water park last week and my sister called to ask what was in K's hand in the picture. She thought it was her screwdriver, which she does try to take with her. I assured her that it was not the screwdriver, but her rocket toy. But wait there is more...I had to explain that the point on the rocket is rather pointy.  Again, I think she has this need to feel safe at all times and having her "tool" of choice that day allows her to do so.

As I raise a multicultural/multiracial family, having been raised in one myself, I noticed one thing; we as a family tend to push these issues under the rug, until it effects our children directly. As an adult, I sought out the help I needed. My sister sought the help she needed. But with K, she can not do so, it is up to me to do that for her. In many black families there is always the auntie or uncle that is always a little "off", but we just laugh it off and just make a joke of it. There is a stigma with mental illness, in our society in general, but in my family and many minority families, we always joked about the auntie that was a little "crazy." We laugh and what they do and say and just ignore the root of the problem. Minorities are less likely to seek help for mental illness, which tells you about the stigma attached to it is great!

NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) has a wonderful video talking and discussion talking about the reason many African Americans do not get help for mental illness. As a family we are trying to break this stigma and not be the "auntie" and "niece" that is a little "off." We are speaking out about what is going on and if that helps at least one other person know that they do not have to suffer in silence,  and there is help for you, then we will SHOUT it from the rooftop. My youngest sister(my ghostwriter) is very open about what she has been through in the last two years and will tell you that having an open discussion about mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. Just like talking about the person in your family that has cancer and how they are doing, families need to talk about  mental illness as well and how it is not just an "invisible disease," it is physical as well.

If you would like more information about mental illness and ways to get help for you or a family member visit the NAMI website: https://www.nami.org

Off to another adventure with my crew!

"Raising a Thug in Suburbia, a Memoir"

Summer time... what a wonderful time of year, where teachers get to recover and parents are now having to figure out what the hell to do with their children, just like the teachers do 180 days of the year. (yes, the ghostwriter is a teacher, so I am writing from experience.) I digress...in our house none of the basketball team really sleeps in their own room, Except for H, he is a big man on campus and has his own room downstairs now. The littles and even C and M all like to pile into one room and sleep together. We make "palettes" or blanket beds on the floor for the littles to sleep on, because they think its fun. K wanted to sleep in Z's room as she often does; no problem. I make the floor up for her with blankets and pillows and they drift off into slumber land.

During the summer, the team still kind of stick to the schedule from the school year. They might stay up a little later, but they do get up around the same time. I however, let my hubby stick to his schedule and get the team ready for the day. I stay my ass in bed...it only makes sense right?

When I do finally get up, I have to clean up- you know that OCD kicks in like my momma's and I have to make my rounds around the upstairs first. I go to pick up the blankets and pillows on the floor where K was sleeping. At this point I am not really even shocked by it anymore...it's just a part of her that somehow, g-ma, (gangsta granny as I will now refer to her as.) has instilled in my small child that you have to be ready for anything. Gangsta Granny, has a "hit you stick" in her car, sleeps with a knife by her bed and might even have several tucked away in random places throughout her house. Ok, ok, you are wondering what I found under the pillow that K was sleeping on...two of her toy hammers places just right for her to grab if needed. I remind you she is sleeping next to her brother, in a house that has a security alarm and a giant ass pit bull as well.What the hell does she need these for? In the past, I have mentioned the screwdriver, the plastic knife and then the switchblade, so again, the hammers are just one more item to add to the list of weapons my cute little with dimples for days and freckles for mile is ready to use when needed. (I swear she might be preparing for the zombie apocalypse.)

Why do they eat so much???

Summer is upon us and my grocery budget is doubling...anyone else with children notice this phenomenon in their house? As you know me and the hubby have five children- three bigs and then two littles. Now here is the fun part; my pantry is rather large and stays stocked thanks to my savvy shopping and my mother and father who buy certain items the littles like in bulk at the commissary on the base.  When our basketball team is at school, the pantry stays rather stocked, since they aren't home all day to eat everything in sight.

H probably eats the most out of all the team. He is 13 now, and he plays sports, so I guess it only makes since that if I want him to surpass his father in height, I better feed him as much food as his body can handle for the human growth hormone to kick in. (I plan on retiring once he gets drafted for whatever sport he settles on after college-so I have to keep him strong!) While my sister and her husband were visiting, my sister pointed out that the littles, K and Z just kind of pick at their food. Now, Z will eat mini muffins that g-ma brings like there is no tomorrow. K and Z love milk, cheese, and yogurt, so that is always on the ready for them. C and M eat, but for the most part they are pretty picky eaters too. So, I have a lot going with this little team of mine. I have to keep the house stocked with certain foods that everyone will eat. Now, again let me stress that when school is in session, this is not a problem.

I went to the store the other day with the intent on just getting CARROTS. Why in the hell did I walk out of the store with a cart full of food? I must have been doing an inventory in my head of the pantry and thinking to myself, we need that, because C likes it and eats it all day, or H needs this for when he is at practice, and then M and the littles love this as well...WTF! There are five mouths but they eat like we have 15 children in the house. I try to send them to their friend's house so they can eat their food, but they keep coming back home and eating everything! I just keep telling myself, H only has to eat food in this house for five more years and then he will only be back on holidays and breaks from college. M is right around the same time frame as H. But then I think about C, Z and K-I can't even count how many years left that they will be consuming vast amounts of food from this house. I just know that I need to start putting a few dollars back each school year so I am ready for the summer food extravaganza!